it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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