I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
