I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
