i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize