This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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