His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
