grandma shit on top of the toilet
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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