Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
