I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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