When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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