the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
