My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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