Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
