hotel room ftw
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
