New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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