Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
