tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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