My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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