Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And then he peed in my hair
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