the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
