i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
