Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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