all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
