Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How external is "for external use only"?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
