i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
