He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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