Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
