First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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