I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
