If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
