what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
