I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize