i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
