Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
