Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
