i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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