Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dick very happy bro
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
