Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize