Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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