His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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