We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
