you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize