Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
