I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
