His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
