You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
