Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
