can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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