hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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