So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize