I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
