Swine flu. Run for my life!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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