He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The feeling are messing with the penis
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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