I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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