fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
