i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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