So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
