where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
that is very illegal...i love you.
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