I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
