it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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