God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
