I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
