if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
