i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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