I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
