Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
