So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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