i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
