I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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