Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
