I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
