If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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