Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
