you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
farters have to be the big spoon...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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