Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
