dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
