I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
