When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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