i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I die, sorry about rent.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
