i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
