I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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