ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
